My husband and I have been together since we were 21/22. We met in 1994, started dating in 1995 and got married in 2004. He works for an International company with HQ in Turin, Italy and he’s had a fast growing career. We moved cities and Countries a few times in a very short span of time, which meant I had to give up job after job and start over each time. It was a choice I made out of love, to support his career regardless of the fact that I was also very satisfied with my jobs on both a personal and financial level. We now have 3 daughters; the youngest was born in August 2012.
I have only recently discovered that my husband has been having an affair with VITTORIA (VI770, VITTO, MITOV as they refer to her – they are obsessed with alphanumeric code language in their childish texts) since November 2012, when my youngest daughter was barely 3 months old. Vittoria is also married and started dating her husband while cheating on her previous boyfriend. How do I know this? Because when I found out about her existence and my husband tried very hard to let little if no information at all out I called her husband which I found through Facebook and Linkedin asking him if he could help me understand the nature of their relationship given that her mere existence had been kept well hidden from me and this has NEVER happened in our marriage. Every little bit I found out about her I can only thank myself for. First she was a colleague, then a running partner, then they occasionally had breakfast and went to work together, then her husband found some compromising texts on 29 July 2013 (l love you, we are crazy and more teenage c**p – and yes, he chose to ignore it all), then I found out my husband was texting her incessantly, I suspected he was seeing her at the end of August while he dumped us at the beach with his parents and took off for Turin a couple of days before what he had planned. My husband treated me like I was completely crazy, accused me of sending our relationship on the rocks and started accusing ME of invading another woman’s privacy, causing HER problems within her marriage (the phone call I had with her poor husband lasted almost 3 hours and he had EXACTLY the same suspicions I had and told me about the texts, seeing them run alone, the breakfasts, the time they spent on her doorstep when he drove her home in the evenings and didn’t know the husband was prying on them). He chose to defend her over our marriage. And that is when I decided to get into his Hotmail account. I found out they used a secret messaging service after I caught them using Whatsapp and they used a secret email address with a different provider. I found 2 of her letters. Which prove she is a complete nutcase, who has no idea what she wants in life, except my husband, now. She described the way HE flirted with her in the hallways at work. The wine they drank when they first went to bed. The pride she takes in being able to keep their relationship secretly away from everyone. She (as does my husband) blames every single one of her problems and insecurities on her husband. She is terrified of childbirth. Didn’t want a child. But was prepared to have one because her husband wants one and for the whole of 3 months they tried for a baby, this was treated like a power point project, after 3 months of trying she gave up because it wasn’t happening, went back on the pill and decided to prioritize her career. Project baby, of which she elected herself project leader, failed and that was the beginning of the crisis of her marriage. Let’s add that they’ve been together for 8 years, 6 of which in different Countries because they both had careers to follow. So the crisis started when they started living together and trying for a baby. STUFF normal people do in NORMAL marriages. Interesting. She then proceeds to describe how their plan was to keep their relationship secret as long as possible. My husband was to push me to understand that we had become incompatible so that we would then file a joint divorce petition and he would never lose his face with me, his daughters, his parents , friends and coworkers because no one would ever suspect he had a lover all along. She refers to me as fragile and unstable to be able to think about the end of my marriage (you know the stupid wife who has basically raised 3 kids alone and was at the time busy with a newborn and maybe, just maybe, was entitled to have hormones flying all over the place but didn’t because she had to keep it together having NO support whatsoever). She talks about MY girls, refers to them as “pulci” (fleas) and describes furnishing the spare room for when they come to visit daddy in Turin (she’s scared of childbirth and doesn’t really want a child of her own but will happily have mine???!!!). She is a mess. Full of insecurities which emerge in every single sentence of those letters: she is constantly asking my husband to speak to her, to ask her anything he can’t interpret properly or doesn’t understand, doesn’t want to be misunderstood, says the same thing over and over again.
Even though I can’t forgive my husband for starting it out and making the choice he made, I can clearly see who’s been calling the shots here. My husband may have been going through a rough patch in HIS life for various reasons (I am NOT justifying him) but she certainly took advantage of his weaknesses and twisted him around her finger. WHY? Honestly I believe just for the thrill of the ride. The texts are even worse than the letters. She is telling him what to say to me so that stop investigating on them. Makes up stories. Tells him she loves him and this is the only thing she is certain of. She loves him oh so much that she wants to be there for him even if he chooses to be with his family because he “has to”, or because he “decides” it is the right thing to do. In the meantime though … she will not leave her husband until she is sure that my husband wants to be with her and dumps me, because she is scared of her mum, because in any case it will make her cry tears to tell her husband she is leaving him, because she just changed job and really can’t turn her life upside down all at once … and because it would be disappointing for all the guests who attended her wedding party because it was such a grand party that everyone is still talking about it now. The relationship with my husband is “magic” and she has to find the way to keep the magic going for ever.
What she DOESN’T know is the following:
– My husband flirted with me 20 years ago in the exact same way, with me telling him not to hit on me, at a friend’s house
– We hit it off drinking rose wine (portuguese matheus as opposed to their Antica Fratta – Francia Corta, after that initial phase my husband has always been Mr Beer
– We had wild s*x in the last couple of months, up until the day I found out what was going on (and consequently kicked him out of the bedroom) while her husband told me she has been refusing to have s*x with him
-She is my look-a-like , a toned down version (obviously), she is ME without kids (this has nothing to do with physical appearance, I kick a*s despite 3 kids and she will never be able to compete with that), she is ME when the only person in my life I had to take care of was my husband (and occasionally myself)
– She is allowing my husband to re-live the magic of a relationship with no history, no ties, NO KIDS. She is allowing him to pull out of his role of husband and father.
And this is what I will NEVER EVER forgive her for: in a moment of crisis within a marriage she has slithered in and made sure that my husband would not be able to consider his own problems (with me, with himself, with the life we built together) under their own light. She entered a marriage and created chaos where it wasn’t needed. She took advantage of his weakness (again – I am NOT justifying him). If she truly were this honest, correct, intellectual person she describes herself to be, she would have pulled back and waited for my husband to clear up his own mess first. Not only did she not respect my husband’s marriage with me, she is also destroying her own relationship with the man she once promised to love.
My husband still denies the whole story and has said out loud that this is not a “relationship”, because relationships are born on other grounds. Funnily enough I totally agree with him and know for a fact that one way or the other Vitto will find herself sitting on top of the pile of c**p she has turned her life into and won’t even know what has hit her (and if she doesn’t she will discover that the “magic” doesn’t last forever but two people that work at it may be able to make it work.
The stuff she writes is outrageous. And it will be my greatest pleasure to keep it and possibly one day post it and make a load of money out of it – because the whole story of how I found out what has been going on is certainly worth a read. And if that never happens … I will make sure that if she ever decides to make Project Baby a priority, that baby, one day will know that his/her mother had a great role in stealing somebody else’s daddy away.